Fear of Inevitable

 

Nine years ago, I was preparing myself to say goodbye to the school I grew up in. The school taught me simplicity and “a person is of more value than the world”. My friends and I promised to keep in touch, to see each other as often as we can and to never lose sight of who we are. Some friends were lost along the way, some have held on and here we are, celebrating 12 years of friendship.

Four years ago, I was preparing myself for the next chapter of my life: the professional life. Gone are the days of writing thesis and preparing for hell week of finals. Gone are the days relaxing or sometimes preparing between classes. Gone are the days of happy-go-lucky, coming to school in shorts and flip flops. Gone are the days preparing for UAAP, it was time for us to hand down the torch.

It is time to grow up.

Four years later and I still don’t get this “adult” thing.

I woke up this morning thinking a lot of things are changing and I can’t do anything to stop it. My father just turned 60. My mom is thinking of retiring. My sister is starting her own family and the other one is having problem with hers. It seems like just yesterday, classes were suspended due to heavy rain and we were all gathered in the living room watching Spongebob Squarepants. Now my siblings are deciding where to spend Christmas, with us or with their spouse’s family.

It was odd. To think of how things were ten years ago, how things are now, and how things will be ten years from now—and I am starting to get a glimpse of what the future might be. What scares me the most is how some people might not be there in the future.

One of my best friends has moved abroad for her master’s degree. Some of my friends are getting promoted, engaged, married and pregnant. They’re starting to create their own life. And here I am in the same spot as I was four years ago.

There is this fear that time is ticking and you haven’t achieved or done anything valuable. It doesn’t even have to be memorial, like the whole world will celebrate your achievement

There is the fear of goodbyes, the inevitable end of some ties and separation of roads. We all have to make choices and it may entail farewells.

You’re just wishing for something worthwhile, something that you look forward to—something that doesn’t make the future look so bleak and lonesome. It could be a promising job, a life full of travelling and parties, a committed boyfriend. I guess this is the point in your life when you ask if this is what you really want. You’re afraid that one day you’ll wake up and realized another four years has passed and you wonder where all the days have gone.

We can’t hold time and ask for it to go a little slower or to rewind to four years ago so we can change a few things. That’s what makes is so precious. It may sound cliché but live your life. We have to stop confining ourselves in the comforts of our home. We have to go out and do what we want (within law of course. Don’t do drugs! Never do drugs).

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Travel the world, write your stories, and paint your life. It will be nice to look back and to actually describe your past as the “good old days”. (Even nicer to look back with someone from the good old days)

Invest in experience, not the material. Go out! Yes binge watching in Netflix and eating Cheetos is fun but go out once in a while. Spend time with people and see what is out there. “Everybody gets a lifetime, nothing more, nothing less”.

So live it.

 

 

 

 

 

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