Bittersweet Dreams

I have to convince myself over and over again.

“He is not mine. He never was.”

It was like a prayer to me, a constant reminder not to get caught in a dream, in an illusion created out of desire and unrequited emotions.

But dreams can get out of hand, it can reveal your heart’s deepest wish.

“He is not mine. He never was,” were the first words out of my mouth when reality pulled me back. Before my vision gets clouded, before I delusion myself from the thin possibility, before I begin to ignore the fact that you are with someone else, I must utter the words again.

I thought keeping my distance would do the trick. Sometimes I hate how I can remember everything so vividly.

“He is not mine. He never was,” I said again as I recall my days with you.

I must, once again, hold on to the ground, to what is now, to the bittersweet reality that I am no longer part of your life.